The Foul Weather Friend

We're taught when we're young to beware the Fair Weather Friend. The friend who likes you when you get your allowance, but ignores you when it's gone. The "friend" who didn't know you existed 'til you got your first car, but then suddenly was in your orbit as tightly as any planet around the sun.

But there's someone more insidious. I've known this person before, but as I get older, this person vexes me more than ever.

That's the Foul Weather Friend. When your life is in the toilet, this person shows compassion, love, etc. So you're lulled into thinking that you have a support system. You are loved. Anyone who could love you when your life is shit must be a great friend indeed.

And you reach a breaking point. Those times in life when you realize that you must make major changes or accept your status as weak and lost. You choke down the self-pity and you get to work. You start fixing what's broken. It's hard.

At first it's all good. People smile and tell you how great you're doing. Then comes the realization that you might actually succeed. And many of those who you thought loved you start to do little things to sabotage your efforts. They try to undermine your determination.

I can only guess at the motivations in these people. Jealousy would be one. Perhaps the fear that you won't love them anymore if you succeed in fixing what's broken in you.

I do know for sure that you must beware these friends at least as diligently, if not more, than the Fair Weather variety. Fair Weather is easy to figure out: People want to hang out w/the popular, the affluent, the beautiful, etc.

So, when you find yourself on a journey, and the sun is starting to shine just a little more brightly than it did before, and someone who professes to love you mars that sunshine, remember the Foul Weather friend - an insipid evil creep who wants you to lose.

Do the journey, baby, and lose the creep.

Peace.

Freaks

"Freaks was a thing I photographed a lot ... it had a terrific kind of excitement for me... Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks are born with their trauma. They've already passed it. They're aristocrats". -Diane Arbus

And They All Look Just the Same

Little Boxes
by Malvina Reynolds

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.

And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

Give Yourself a Present Every Day

Over a decade ago, there was an awesome TV show called Twin Peaks.

Some sage advice from its main character Special Agent Dale Cooper:

"Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee."

My favorite darkest roast bean ground to almost powder then made into coffee in my French Press is about the best coffee in the world to me.

Today, that's my gift to me.

It's a good idea.

Peace.

The wise don't strive to arrive.

Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki says, "What is more important, to make a million dollars, or enjoy your effort, little by little, even though it is impossible to make that million? To be successful, or to find some meaning in your efforts to succeed?"

We should give up goal orientation and simply be. Life is not about getting somewhere in a hurry, but enjoying the journey to the full.

Source.

Maintaining Peace

For Memorial Day

31. MAINTAINING PEACE

Weapons of war are instruments of fear,
and are abhorred by those who follow the Tao.
The leader who follows the natural way
does not abide them.
The warrior king leans to his right,
from whence there comes his generals' advice,
but the peaceful king looks to his left,
where sits his counsellor of peace.
When he looks to his left, it is a time of peace,
and when to the right, a time for sorrow.
Weapons of war are instruments of fear,
and are not favoured by the wise,
who use them only when there is no choice,
for peace and stillness are dear to their hearts,
and victory causes them no rejoicing.
To rejoice in victory is to delight in killing;
to delight in killing is to have no self-being.
The conduct of war is that of a funeral;
when people are killed, it is a time of mourning.
This is why even victorious battle
should be observed without rejoicing.

The Decay of Ethics

18. THE DECAY OF ETHICS

When the way of the Tao is forgotten,
kindness and ethics need to be taught;
men learn to pretend to be wise and good.

All too often in the lives of men,
filial piety and devotion
arise only after conflict and strife,
just as loyal ministers all too often appear,
when the people are suppressed.

Leadership by Exception

17. LEADERSHIP BY EXCEPTION

Man cannot comprehend the infinite;
only knowing that the best exists,
the second best is seen and praised,
and the next, despised and feared.

The sage does not expect that others
use his criteria as their own.

The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
"It happened of its own accord".

Returning to the Root

16. RETURNING TO THE ROOT

It is only by means of being
that non-being may be found.

When society changes
from its natural state of flux,
to that which seems like chaos,
the inner world of the superior man
remains uncluttered and at peace.
By remaining still, his self detatched,
he aids society in its return
to the way of nature and of peace.
The value of his insight may be clearly seen
when chaos ceases.

Being one with the Tao is to be at peace,
and to be in conflict with it,
leads to chaos and dysfunction.

When the consistency of the Tao is known,
the mind is receptive to its states of change.

It is by being at one with the Tao,
that the sage holds no prejudice
against his fellow man.
If accepted as a leader of men,
he is held in high esteem.

Throughout his life,
both being and non-being,
the Tao protects him.

The Manifestation of the Tao in Man

15. THE MANIFESTATION OF THE TAO IN MAN

The sage of old was profound and wise;
like a man at a ford, he took great care,
alert, perceptive and aware.

Desiring nothing for himself,
and having no desire
for change for its own sake,
his actions were difficult to understand.

Being watchful, he had no fear of danger;
being responsive, he had no need of fear.

He was courteous like a visiting guest,
and as yielding as the springtime ice.
Having no desires, he was untouched by craving.

Receptive and mysterious,
his knowledge was unfathomable,
causing others to think him hesitant.

Pure in heart, like uncut jade,
he cleared the muddy water
by leaving it alone.

By remaining calm and active,
the need for renewing is reduced.

Experiencing the Mystery

14. EXPERIENCING THE MYSTERY

The Tao is abstract,
and therefore has no form,
it is neither bright in rising,
nor dark in sinking,
cannot be grasped, and makes no sound.

Without form or image, without existence,
the form of the formless, is beyond defining,
cannot be described,
and is beyond our understanding.
It cannot be called by any name.

Standing before it, it has no beginning;
even when followed, it has no end.
In the now, it exists; to the present apply it,
follow it well, and reach its beginning.

Sentimental Lady

Performed by Fleetwood Mac
Written by Bob Welch


You are here and warm
But I could look away and you’d be gone
Cause we live in a time
When meaning falls in splinters from our lives
And that’s why I’ve travelled far
Cause I come so together where you are

And all of the things that I said that I wanted
Come rushing by in my head when I’m with you
14 joys and a will to be merry
And all of the things that we say are very
Sentimental gentle wind
Blowing through my life again
Sentimental lady
Gentle one

Now you are here today
But easily you might just go away
Cause we live in a time
When paintings have no color, words don’t rhyme
And that’s why I’ve travelled far
Cause I come so together where you are

And all of the things that I said that I wanted
Come rushing by in my head when I’m with you
14 joys and a will to be merry
And all of the things that we say are very
Sentimental gentle wind
Blowing through my life again
Sentimental lady
Gentle one

You are here and warm
But I could look away and you’d be gone
Cause we live in a time
When meaning falls in splinters from our lives
And that’s why I’ve travelled far
Cause I come so together where you are

Yes and all of the things that I said that I wanted
Come rushing by in my head when I’m with you
14 joys and a will to be merry
And all of the things that we say are very
Sentimental gentle wind
Blowing through my life again
Sentimental lady
Gentle one

Sentimental gentle wind
Blowing through my life again
Sentimental lady
Gentle one

Sentimental gentle wind
Blowing through my life again
Sentimental lady
Gentle one

The Wheel

We each set our own path, but are also subject to the larger cycles of which we are all part.


Great luck.

A vision or realization that strikes with great force.

A change that brings great joy.

Fate, cyclicity, destiny, turning points, movement, personal vision.

Peace.


The images shown are from the following Tarot decks: Hanson-Roberts, Cosmic Tarot, Vampire Tarot, Witches Tarot, Robin Wood Tarot, Morgan-Greer Taro, Hudes Tarot, Tarot of the Moon Garden, The Rider Tarot Deck, Fantastical Tarot, Secret Tarot, African Tarot, and the Tarot of the Trance.

Mindfulness

Some thoughts on Mindfulness from around the web and from me.

From Mindful Mornings:

Mindfulness is an ancient Buddhist practice that has little to do with Buddhism or being a Buddhist. It is the simple practice of bringing awareness and acceptance to our moment to moment experience which can help us develop calmness, resiliency, and a quality of peacefulness.

"It has to do with examining who we are, with questioning our view of the world and our place in it, and with cultivating some appreciation for the fullness of each moment we are alive. Most of all, it has to do with being in touch."

Mindfulness is about holding still long enough to be able to notice what's going on around and within us. It is about being in the present, paying attention to the now instead of rehashing the past or worrying about the future. It is about really living the experiences we're having now because "now" is the only place true happiness and joy reside.

From http://www.mindfulness.com/ :

Mindfulness or being mindful is being aware of your present moment. You are not judging, reflecting or thinking. You are simply observing the moment in which you find yourself. Moments are like a breath. Each breath is replaced by the next breath. You're there with no other purpose than being awake and aware of that moment.

From Wikipedia:

Mindfulness is the practice whereby a person is intentionally aware of his or her thoughts and actions in the present moment, non-judgmentally. Mindfulness is applied to both bodily actions and the mind's own thoughts and feelings.

From me:

In some ways, Mindfulness is what your mother meant when she admonished, "Pay attention to what you're doing."

It is doing the thing that you are doing with your whole self.

This may sound easy, but in our world where the ability to multi-task is often a desirable trait, it can be difficult to learn to just be and do what you are doing in any moment in time.

Sit for ten minutes and while you breathe in and out, only concentrate on your breaths. For some type-A personalities, simply finding ten minutes in a day in which one does "nothing" can be difficult.

Being mindful is difficult for me and I'm often thinking about what I'm going to do next - especially if I'm doing something boring or unfun. But even though I don't necessarily assign a word to every action, I have found that trying to be mindful is a good thing when doing chores I often feel are "beneath me" or are dreary.

Each day I do the dishes (once again I find myself temporarily w/out a dishwasher). I used to dread this chore. Standing in one place, rubbing ick off dishes, often in front of a window in the afternoon with the sun shining in my eyes - there's not much to like about doing dishes. But I've learned to think about dishes (and all "thankless" housework) in a different light. Those of us that keep the home clean and neat are doing good work. We keep the home comfortable and healthy for ourselves and the ones we love. I think of this when I am doing the dishes and it makes the time seem better spent than when I used to let my mind wander to things I'd rather be doing. I haven't learned to love doing the dishes. And it's hard to be mindful when cleaning a toilet. But these tasks are no longer things I dread.

Learning to be mindful about what I'm doing is one of the better things I do with my life. When I practice this, the thing I'm doing is always accomplished in a way that shows care and diligence. In this way, both the task and the journey to accomplish that task have meaning.

Oh, and I've learned to think of the cat box as a Zen garden with lumps.

Peace.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, I thought, "The spirit of a warrior and the soul of a poet."

I guess there comes an age where still looking for that makes one a silly old woman.

Peace.